embryo

Embryo adoption is a third-party reproduction that sprouted from in-vitro fertilization.  Several couples who are physically incapable but financially capable of having a child go for in-vitro fertilization(IVF).  In IVF, too much embryos are produced.  Some of these embryos are donated and are made available for embryo adoption.

Here are some of the reasons that pushes the infertile couples (who own the embryos) to go for embryo adoption:

1.  Much lighter feeling and cleaner conscience

The couple(who owned the embryos) can choose destroy the embryos or have it donated.  Choosing the second option makes them feel lighter because they were able to give another child to live.

Even if the child would be out of their custody, at least he was able to enjoy life and experienced being in a family.  Besides, destruction of embryos doesn’t sound good because embryos are precious living organisms, who have the equal right to live.  Even if emotional attachment might bother the couple, embryo adoption is considered a better decision.

2.   Chance to help other infertile couples

There are some couples who still failed to have a child even after trying IVF or undergoing traditional adoption process.  The infertile couples owning the embryos know how frustrating it is.
And now that they are given the opportunity to help, there’s nothing bad in sharing their delight in having a baby.  Several infertile couples become desperate in hoping to a child.  They undergo different forms of hassles and readily spend out money to make their dream of a complete family come true.  So why be selfish and insensitive to needs of that infertile and to rights of the underdeveloped living thing called embryo?

3.   Chance to know the background of the adoptive couple

Embryo adoption happens with the consent of the donor or the couples owning the embryos.  The owner or the biological donors can ask for some information about the possible adoptive parents.
They can also set conditions that would be followed giving the embryo to adoptive parents.

Infertile couples who are determined to have a child would go for embryo adoption due to the following reasons:

1.  For some couples, it could be the last option

Many infertile couples have tried IVF and inquired in traditional adoption, but then, they still failed.  And here comes another chance of having child by embryo adoption.  Every couple who are dying to have a complete family would normally take the chance by embryo adoption.

2.  Lesser expenses

In-vitro fertilization and traditional adoption requires more expenses than embryo adoption.

3.  Assurance that the child is properly taken care of during the pregnancy period

In embryo adoption, the embryo is injected into the uterus of the adoptive mother.  So, the adoptive couple is certain that during the baby’s development for nine months, no drug or harmful chemicals is taken and that the baby would come out healthy.  Unlike in traditional adoption where the biological mother bears the baby for nine months and give him to the adoptive parents.  During that length of time, the biological mother can have the chance to take in drugs or other substance harmful to the baby.

4.  The adoptive mother is given the experience to bear a child in her womb for nine months

Although bearing a baby for nine months and giving birth is painful, women, mostly mothers, would still choose to undergo in such process and be able to experience the seemingly unbearable pain of having a baby.  It gives them the feeling of fulfillment.

Embryo Adoption is undeniably helpful to infertile parents.  However, it is faced with some ethical issues.   Some are in favor of embryo adoption while some aren’t.

in-vitro fertilization

In-Vitro Fertilization is a process helpful for infertile couples in their dream of having a child.  However, producing too much embryos posed as one of its drawbacks.  But this drawback of IVF is one of the factors that gave birth to embryo adoption.

The excess embryo produced were either stored for later possible use or destroy.  Well, the decision to store or destroy depends upon the couples.  If they’d choose to keep the embryos, then they can surely do but those embryos can’t be kept forever.  The couple who owned the said embryos should come up with a decision sooner.  They can choose to implant the embryo and have another child in their family, destroy the embryos, or donate the said embryos to infertile couples who really want to have a child.

Not capable of having their own children is an to infertile couples.  Many options are provided for them and one of these options is in-vitro fertilization.  IVF is a process wherein more gametes are extracted from the male or female individual.  And because of too many embryos acquired, some are just kept.  The couples who owned the embryos normally does not need all those embryos to become children because its hard to support a large number of siblings.  Some go for temporary storage while some chose to give them to infertile couples who are dying to have a child in their family.

Thus, it could be said that as long as IVF exists embryo adoption would also be around.  Couples who owned the said embryos can’t just go for the destruction of the said embryos.  These couples are emotionally attached to these living things.   And these living things called embryos are valued like humans.  Destroying them would be very painful to the couple owning the embryos.  It’s like removing the innocent child’s right and chance to live.  However, giving them to other infertile couple is still a painful yet seemingly better option. The emotional attachment would still bother the individuals who donated the said gametes.  But that would make them feel lighter because they know the background of the adoptive parents and they are left hopeful that a bright future can possibly be provided to the  child.

Embryo adoption, though it still remains as a controversial issue, serves as one of the ways that gives hope to infertile couples in achieving their dream-that of having a child that would complete their family.

open Adoption

During the early part of the 19th century, closed adoption was practiced due to social pressures.  Biological mother and adoptive parents were considered outcasts.  So any adoption taking place was kept secret.  However, today’s society is no longer that judgemental compared to those people before.

Unlike close adoption where everything about adoption is kept secret, open adoption is handing your child, your legal rights, and guardianship are transferred to the adoptive parents.

Open adoption may be disadvantageous to the adoptive parents’ side for it may mean:

1. Distraction

Yes, distraction because the biological mother or parents and the child might get to see each other and the child would have less bonding time for his adoptive parents.

2. Insecurity

The adoptive parents would feel less of being a parent to the child.  Knowing who his biological parents are, the child might look up more to his birth parents.

3. Fear of losing the child

The child might still want to be with his birth parents even if he is being relinquished by them.  He may miss them and long to have a family who has the same blood as he has.

But the bright of having the adoption open is:

1. Freedom from guilt

The adoptive parents can look at the adopted child straight in his eyes and tell him that every single thing about their family is open and no secrets were kept.

2. Trust from the child

Knowing that his adoptive parents are honest to him, especially about his adoption makes the child trust them.

3. More knowledge about the adopted child

In open adoption, more hereditary background about the child can be made known.  If the child’s birth family has this physical or mental problem, then the adoptive family knows how to handle or prevent the said problem.   Also, when asked by the child about his origin, the adoptive parents have ready answers.

4. Reduced fear about the birth mother’s intention

The adoptive family is aware of her intentions for the child because open communication between them makes the birth mother’s intentions known.

5. Establishment of good relationship to the birth parents

It is important for the adoptive parents to have a good relationship with the child’s birth parents.  This will make them comfortable  if ever their paths would come across each other.

Being open about the adoption that took place will give the adoptive parents from fear of being hated or mistrusted by the child.  On the other hand, it will make the child know his real self.

being adopted by a celebrity

Many children around the globe are in dire need to  be helped out.   Several individuals come along and volunteer to answer their needs.   One of the said individuals happen to be celebrities as in individuals who live in the spotlight.

Having an adoptive parent is one thing but having a celebrity adoptive parent is another thing.  Just how it feels to be  a child of a celebrity adoptive parent?

A child, who is being taken into one’s personal care, usually feels lucky for being chosen.  They were once abandoned or left out, but when the said adoptive parents came they once again  feel a sense of belongingness.   Of course, shyness is one of the primary feelings experienced by all adoptees.  The adoptive parents are people who are not connected to you in any way.  The thought of living with them and adopting to their lifestyle usually scares the child.  However, he will soon learn to live with it.  The said scary feeling will soon vanish.  No matter how many feelings intimidate the child, somehow he’d find excitement in him.  Whether the child is aware about being excited or not, excitement will surely suffice.  Now, what if the said adoptive parent is a star?  Someone being monitored by the people around particularly the fans.

Having an adoptive parent who is a celebrity is good because that means the adoptive parent has a sure way of making a living.  But we can’t lose sight of the fact that they’re lives are not totally private.  And being their part of their lives would also mean that you have to sacrifice a part or all your privacy.  Paparazzi would be going around if they see the celebrity’s family, which is also your family.  Then, what follows are click here and there, the meet and greet stuffs, etc.

In this case, only two things might happen: either the adoptive may able to adapt with the situation and will just eventually enjoy that way of life or he’ll find it difficult to live up to the life that his adoptive parent has.   Being featured just like his adoptive parent might make him insecure or intimidated.

There are a number of celebrities adopting kids around the globe.  There’s the famous celebrity couple, Angelina Jollie and Brad Pitt, Madonna, and many others.

The adoptive parent can very much help in comforting the adoptee in this case.  Prior to adoption, the parent and/or a counselor can discuss about the kind of life lived by the adoptive parent, the fun, and the stressful part of that kind of lifestyle.

Pros of Domestic Adoption

* It is more affordable due to reduced costs on travel and additional paperwork, even nonexistent if done through foster care.

* There is a chance of getting a newborn; you may be matched up with a birth mom who has not yet given birth.

* You will receive more detailed and accurate information about the biological parents medical information

* Most of the leg work is done by the adoption agency representatives and/or case workers, you will not be required to spend as much time on the adoption process.

Cons of Domestic Adoption

* Requirements for domestic adoptions are quite strict and qualifications for adopting families are also high.

* The biological mother may change her mind or unexpectedly refuse to give her child up for adoption. I believe there is a restriction on when she can do this, but that is not enough of a safeguard for most hopeful parents.

This can cause delays in the process or the whole adoption may be terminated. Unfortunately, this occurs more often during the final stages of the adoption process just when the adopting family is expecting a child.

*There are fewer children available for domestic adoption, especially if the adoptive parents prefer a child from a minority group.

International Adoption

When the adoptive parents live in a different country than the birth parents it is referred to as an international adoption and there is little or no contact between the parents.

Pros of International Adoption

* There are plenty of children available for adoption in many countries, both healthy and special needs.

* The requirements and qualifications for international adoption are less strict than other types of adoption; your chances of adopting are greater.

* You have a better chance at being eligible to adopt and once your home study is approved you can rest assured that you will have the child of your dreams.

* You don’t have to worry about whether the biological mother will change her mind. These children are most often orphaned. All you have to do is accept your referral of a child and before long they will be in your arms. (On average this process takes between 12-18 months)

Cons of International Adoption

* Be prepared for lots of red tape, delays as well as an increased potential for fraud. Some countries may not be politically stable, eg. you don’t need the government changing hands in the middle of your adoption process.

* Be prepared to travel to the country of your adoptive child. You may even be required to make more than one trip or stay for a few weeks at a time. You will need to learn the child’s culture and customs, maybe even their language

* You will not get a newborn because you will not be made aware of a child for adoption until after they are born. So by the time all the administrative hurdles are cleared and they are finally united with you and your family, they will likely be at least four to six months, maybe even a little older.

* Because the majority of these children have lived their first months or years in orphanages where the living conditions are less than decent, they may experience some developmental set backs.

This is not necessarily the case with all children and if they do have delays, chances are they will often rebound to the norm once they have a loving and supportive family to attend to their needs. Some people believe that, “Love doesn’t conquer all” but I say, “it certainly helps”.

* There may be no record of the family medical history and this could make you feel uncomfortable. You could always turn to modern medical testing to help. You will however, receive the child’s medical history when you get your referral.

The pros and cons of adoption have the potential to discourage the adopting family in many ways. But with an open mind and heart, overcoming the dilemma of adoption will definitely prove to be worthwhile.

A child being deserted by his parents can cause a severe trauma that will mirror through every aspect of child’s life. The baby will experience the mother’s loss as psychological death of his mother.  There will never be closure.

The baby feels he is abandoned and results to a lifelong inability to trust anyone. This experience will gradually affect him all through out his life. That is the reason why most of the adopted child fails to trust anyone because of the fear that he may be left alone again.

The baby perpetually  bothers as to why he wasn’t kept by his mom and will blame himself for not being good enough to be loved. Many adopted adult has this kind of burden that deters a good relationship to others. The child may also feel melancholic and remorseful as if he did something bad that decides his mom to leave  him.

As days pass by and as the child grows up, he may feel that he doesn’t belong to the family where he currently resides and will suffer self-esteem. He may decide not to get involve to any family activities and may prefer to be alone all by himself. He will feel like an outcast within the family who adopted him.

The child thinks of his mother and the reason behind why he was abandoned. This makes sense because the child longs for his mother and misses her terribly!  There is a wound there that can never be filled by anyone other than the mother!  This could cause the child to have trouble concentrating on his school work.  The child may be labeled a “dreamer” or a “bad student” which will harm his chances to succeed in life.  the adopters might not understand the reason for the child’s lack of concentration and this might cause him to be misdiagnosed as having Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  If misdiagnosed, the child will be forced to take medication he will not need.

The child will loose his true identity while the adopters will try to force him to be like them.  The reason for this is so that the adopters won’t be reminded that the child isn’t really theirs.  The adopters would want the true traits that the child inherits from his family to go away.  The child will not be allowed to be himself.

The child will have no sense of his past which will make it difficult to envision his future.

The child may suppress his real feelings and live an emotionally-numb life in order to survive the tragedy of the separation from his mother compounded by his adoption.

As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage.

As the child becomes an adult, he may have trouble choosing a career and a mate due to his fear of committment and abandonment.

The child’s adopters may not acknowledge that raising an adopted child is different from raising a child of their own.  The adopters want to pretend that the child they raised is not adopted but their own child so they force the child to live a lie by wiping out his past and changing his name and forcing the child to become like the adopters rather than being allowed to be his own person. They will further burden the child by telling him that he should forget about his natural parents and be greatful that they adopted him and gave him a home because the natural parents did not.

Nothing anyone says or does can ever make up for the loss of the child’s first family!

The mother will not be able to change the past and undo the lifelong adverse effects of adoption on her child!

Open adoption is a form of adoption in which the adoptive parents, and often the adopted child, interact directly with birth parents. Family members interact in ways that feel most comfortable to them. Communication may include letters, emails, telephone calls, or visits. The frequency of contact is negotiated and can range from every few years to several times a month or more. Contact often changes as a child grows and has more questions about his or her adoption or as families’ needs change.

Direct access to birth parents and history has advantages of answering identity questions (”Who do I look like? Why was I placed?”). There are also disadvantages. There is no clean break for assimilation into family, which some feel is necessary.[1] There is also the potential for feelings of rejection if contact stops, or for playing families against each other.

Even in an open adoption, the birth parents’ legal rights of guardianship are terminated, and the adoptive parents become the legal parents.[1] In some jurisdictions, the birth and adoptive parents may enter into a binding agreement concerning visitation, exchange of information, or other interaction regarding the child.[2] Far more common are informal agreements, which may change over time as each set of parents’ lives progress. As legal guardians, the adoptive parents are responsible for implementing contact arrangements in the child’s best interests and hold final decision-making authority.

The primary difference between a truly open adoption and a semi-open adoption is that the adopted child has the potential of developing a one-on-one relationship with his or her birthfamily. It is not about the adoptive parents bestowing birthparents with the privilege of contact, nor is it about birthparents merely being available to provide information over the years. Direct contact, in the form of letters, phone calls and visits between the birthfamily and the adopted child, along with his adoptive family, is essential if they are to establish their own relationship. After all, how can we honestly call an adoption open if the child is not involved?

For many who are just beginning the adoption process, the concept of open adoption appears to be another complication they would rather not deal with. One prospective adoptive mom, weary from years of infertility, asked me at an adoption conference, “I am pursuing an international adoption because I don’t want to have to deal with my child’s birthfamily in any way. What can you say to me that would make me change my mind and pursue, instead, an open adoption?” My answer to her was simply this: “No matter where your child is adopted from, you will, as adoptive parents, need to ‘deal with’ your child’s birthfamily whether you know the birthfamily or not. This birthfamily is a part of who your child is. Open adoption allows you to know your child better by knowing his birthfamily.”

Expectant parents considering placing a child for adoption are often just as leery of the prospect of open adoption. Many are told, or feel, that ongoing contact will make it difficult to move on with their lives. Some are afraid that seeing their child will be too painful. Many worry that their involvement might confuse the child.

Patricia Martinez Dorner, author of Children of Open Adoption and Talking to Your Child about Adoption, encourages us to see open adoption as just another form of blended family. In adopting, adoptive parents are welcoming the member of one family into their own. This “blending” of families is not without its share of uncomfortable moments, but the beauty of birthparents and adoptive parents accepting each other as family is twofold:

One, birthparents and adoptive parents really get to know each other. It allows them to see who the others are outside of their adoption experience. Birthparents can be seen as more than someone who found themselves in a difficult situation and adoptive parents can be seen as more than an infertile couple. Being able to know each other as complete human beings allows for greater acceptance. The adopted child is also able to know his birthparents as they are, rather than creating a fantasy birthparent. Instead of spending countless hours conjuring up an image of a person they do not know, they can use that energy for other things.

Two, it gives the child a sense of wholeness. There will no doubt be times when birthparents and adoptive parents take up the responsibility of maintaining the connection with each other. An infant, a toddler or a child cannot carry the burden of maintaining the connection between his two families. An adopted child whose birthfamily and adoptive family come together in a familial way, will grow up with greater certainty. There is a saying that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love one another. I think it is inclusive of all parents, not just married couples.

Once there were two expectant mothers.
One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart
She became your Birthmother.
The other carried the hope of you within her.
She became your Mom.
As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,
Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after
your birth.
Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:
your questions answered,
your boo boos bandaged,
your heartaches soothed,
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:
answers to your questions,
your image in the mirror,
a part of yourself,
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.

Surrogate mother is a woman who agrees to bare a child in her womb, in exchange for a fee or agreed upon contract for a couple who are childless due to infertility. Often, the surrogate mother is the biological mother of the child, conceiving it by means of artificial insemination with sperm from the husband. The other kind of surrogate motherhood is what we called in vitro fertilization wherein using the wife’s egg and the husband’s sperm, and the resulting embryo is implanted in the surrogate mother’s uterus. Thus, the surrogate mother is not genetically related to the child.

For over one hundred years artificial insemination was used as a way of managing male infertility that kept the family intact and allowed children to be born to a married couple. Artificial insemination was generally kept secret. Couples did not tell friends, family, or the children themselves that donor sperm was used, thus maintaining the fiction of biological paternity.

Though stories of surrogate motherhood, often with familial surrogates, date back two thousand years, in 1976 the lawyer Noel Keane arranged the first formal agreement between a couple and a surrogate mother in the United States. The marketing of “surrogacy” developed as a solution to female infertility. Brokers entered the scene, hiring women to become pregnant via artificial insemination with the sperm of the husband of the infertile woman. In 1986 surrogacy came to national attention with the case of “Baby M.” In this case, the woman hired as a surrogate, Mary Beth Whitehead, later refused to relinquish the child. After a protracted court battle, in which Whitehead’s parental rights were stripped and then replaced, the hiring couple won custody of the baby, but Whitehead remained the legal mother with visitation rights.

The Center for Surrogate Parenting (CSP) estimates a cost of $56,525 for traditional surrogacy, in which artificial insemination is used, and a cost of $69,325 if another woman’s egg is used. Approximately $15,000 of these fees are paid to the surrogate herself for the time and sacrifice of the pregnancy. When surrogacy agreements first surfaced in the mid-1970s, there was no payment for surrogate motherhood, and it tended to involve middle-class and blue-collar couples, with friends and sisters helping each other. Once payment became the norm, the demographic changed: “the majority of the couples remain largely upper-middle-class people, whereas the majority of the surrogates are working class women”

That surrogacy has become a business has not meant that contracting couples do not value the surrogate or that the surrogate does not care about the child or the couple. Very careful screening—approximately 95 percent of potential surrogates are rejected—ensures that situations similar to that of Mary Beth Whitehead do not happen. Surrogates are chosen for their commitment. In the only ethnographic study of surrogacy, Helena Ragoné found that couples adopted one of two strategies in dealing with their surrogate. “Egalitarians” wanted to maintain a relationship with the surrogate mother and did not see her as a means to an end. Since in all of Ragoné’s cases the children were still quite young, it is difficult to know how this would play out. “Pragmatists” simply dropped the relationship with the surrogate, taking the child as theirs, and considering the payment sufficient acknowledgment of the role of the surrogate.

Not too long ago, single parent adoption was virtually impossible. Now that the number of abandoned children are fast growing, single parent adoption has become common.

Single parent adoption is growing steadily. Approximately 25 percent of adoptions of children with special needs are by single parents. Of the remaining adoptions, about 5 percent are by singles. While the bulk of these adoptions are done by women, approximately 10 percent of the membership of one single parent adoptive support group is male. Adoption by a single parent is still more difficult than by a married couple, but it can be done.

Single men and women who wish to adopt may face discouragement from friends, family, and some agencies that feel a single parent adoption is not as desirable for a child as is one with two parents. But research shows that children adopted by single parents compare favorably with other adopted children. While no one will deny that parenting is easier with two active parents sharing the burden, the fact is that in some cases, placement with a single parent may be the best option for a child. Some researchers feel that single parent homes may be the best choice for children who need focused, close relationships, such as older children who have been in foster care. And single fathers can sometimes be the best choice for boys who need strong role models and guidance along with love and nurturing.

Challenges of single parent adoption

* Some agencies (and countries, if you’re adopting internationally) still won’t work with singles.
* No one to help with “instant breaks,” those times when you just need to walk around the block or have 10 minutes to yourself.
* No financial back-up if you should lose your job, or your company should close.
* Only one parent to save for college educations.
* The complication of any business travel you might do: arrangements for babysitters, notifying your child’s teacher, and more.
* Dealing with “the daddy (mommy) question.” “Why don’t I have a daddy?” “When am I going to get a mommy?”
* You must cultivate a support network (babysitters, neighbors, friends, family) to help you in emergencies. It can be difficult to find the right people to provide what you need.
* The perception that only children with two parents grow up to be responsible, productive citizens.
* The potentially negative response from friends, family, and colleagues.

Advantages of single parent adoption

* The pre-adoption process is easier including the homestudy, and related paperwork. The paperwork is very extensive for international adoption and with a single parent there’s only one birth certificate, passport, proof of employment, etc.
* Single parents have no disagreements over whether to even adopt or whether to accept a particular referral or not.
* Depending on some children’s backgrounds, it may be beneficial for them to have a parent of one gender or the other.
* The child only has to learn the temperament and personality of one parent.
* If your child has attachment issues or reactive attachment disorder, their bonding and attachment process is clearly focused on one parent, not split between two.
* Disagreements between spouses as to parenting approaches are avoided.
* Changes in parenting approaches can be implemented instantly without having to work toward consensus.
* There’s no chance for children to “play” one parent against the other.
* Single parents can provide consistency in discipline.
* Generally, children of single parents are often more helpful, competent, and responsible about helping around the house because everyone is required to pitch in to make the household run.