If you’ve recently adopted a child, you’re probably both excited about the new addition to your family and concerned about her health history. While adoption can bring unique health and developmental challenges, you don’t have to face them on your own: Your pediatrician can help you meet your baby’s specific needs. Here are tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics to get your child off to a healthy start:

* Get a medical evaluation. Your baby’s doctor can assess her growth and development and conduct age-appropriate screening tests, such as checking for possible anemia and a visual or hearing impairment. If your child hasn’t been immunized or if no record is available, she’ll get a full series of immunizations. (There’s no harm in repeating shots if the records are unclear.) You can also ask the doctor to review preadoption files, if available, in order to help you understand any current or potential medical, developmental, and mental health needs your baby may have.

* Be aware that international adoptees may have special medical needs. If your baby was born in a foreign country, the pediatrician may screen her for hepatitis B and C, HIV, intestinal parasites, syphilis, and tuberculosis, in addition to standard newborn screening tests. While some foreign-born babies may be malnourished, they usually thrive on a normal diet. These children can also get several illnesses soon after they arrive in a new environment, but this, too, is generally a temporary condition. Finally, babies from certain countries may be at higher risk of exposure to drugs or alcohol in the womb. Your pediatrician can help you anticipate and deal with any related health or developmental issues.

* Prepare for the future. Begin telling your child the story of her adoption now, and make “adoption” and other related words part of your everyday language. Any level of openness you can build when your child is young will help as she gets older and starts to ask questions. Plan to discuss adoption with your child as soon as she’s able to understand, usually around age 3.

* Deal with others. Even when adoption is handled well at home, there may be relatives who aren’t quite as understanding  — especially when a child is of a different race or from another country. If this happens, explain that your baby is as much a part of the family as anyone else. You may not be able to change their mind or correct old-fashioned thinking, but it’s important to show loyalty to your child. Your pediatrician can be a valuable source of support and can refer you to local community resources for adoptive families. The better you understand adoption, the better you can teach your child to be proud of who she is.

Closed adoption is an adoption where in the adoption records are kept sealed. It means that the biological parent has surrendered their capacity and authority as a parent of the adoptee’s life. Closed adoption is also associated with “secret” or “traditional” adoption, although itis not, in fact, traditional at all. Closed adoption largely arose in the 20th century, in response to changing social values about adoption. The opposite of a closed adoption is an open adoption, in which the records are left open, creating the potential for contact between the birth parent and the adoptive family.

Closed Adoption: Advantages for Birth Parents

The closed adoption experience is different for each person; however here is a list of potential advantages that you might encounter with a closed adoption:

* Sense of closure-Some birth mothers and birth families report that having a closed adoption provides a sense of closure and enables them to move on with life.

* Privacy-Placing a child for adoption is an extremely sensitive and vulnerable choice. Having a closed adoption creates an opportunity for a stronger sense of privacy.

* Reduced fear-Some birth mothers are concerned about explaining their choice and a closed adoption serves as a way to prevent them from a confrontation with a child placed for adoption.

A closed adoption refers to an adoption process where there is no interaction between the birth mother and the prospective adoptive families. There is no identifying information provided to either the birth families or the adoptive families. Non-identifying information such as physical characteristics and medical history may be provided to both parties. When considering a closed adoption, there are a number of disadvantages that need to be thought through carefully for all parties involved.

Several organizations facilitate contact between birth parents and adoptees who are interested in connecting later in life. These groups provide records searches or offer registries of people who are seeking each other out. In a situation where a child or birth mother wants to get in touch, a letter will typically be sent by a third-party intermediary, indicating that contact is desired and leaving the decision up to the recipient of the letter.

There are numerous factors to consider in relative adoptions:
*Adoption laws are generally state laws and can differ substantially from one state to another.

*In light of the differences in state adoption laws, the following is general information for your consideration. There is no substitute for advice from a competent licensed adoption attorney in your area who is familiar with the legal intricacies. (To find an adoption attorney, visit the Directory of Professionals.)

*“Relative adoptions” are not the same as “stepparent adoptions.” {For information, see Stepparent Adoption.)

In most states, relative adoptions are treated somewhat less formally than non-relative (”stranger”) adoptions. They may require only an abbreviated homestudy, or none at all. For this preferential treatment to apply, the adoption must fit the definition of a relative adoption under state law. Most state laws define “relative” by degree of relatedness. For example, Arizona adoption law defines a “relative” as “uncle, aunt, adult sibling, grandparent or great-grandparent of the child of the whole or half-blood or by marriage or adoption.” Not fitting in this general definition are cousins of any degree or children of nieces or nephews. You will need to consult your attorney or the specific law in your state.

General Considerations

1. Just as with any adoption, there must be a proper termination of the parental rights of both the child’s biological parents. New birth certificates are issued, and adoption records are sealed in accordance with state laws.
2. Adopting a close relative’s child may be the best solution for the child, but it can cause a radical change in the dynamics of your relationship with that relative. These types of relationships have the potential to become strained or severely damaged due to questions of “quasi co-parenting” and exactly who is the child’s parent. The reality is that this dynamic will be different for everyone involved, including all family members, and extending to other children the biological parents may have now or in the future. You will be confronted with questions of relatedness (is your child their cousin? sibling? aunt? uncle?), among others. Can this be done? Yes. Will it be a snap? No. The openness encouraged in adoptions today will help communication with all parties, and those experienced with relative adoptions strongly recommend counseling before and after the adoption whenever possible.
3. Depending on the child’s age and the circumstances of the adoption, talking to your child about the adoption may involve additional complexities due to previous and current relationships, death and grief, disappointments, and human failings. Do seek out support groups and educational books and tapes.

Slumdog Millionaire child star Rubina Ali has caught herself in the middle of sensational newspaper admits that her dad offered her up for $300, 000 (R2.6 million).

The girls father, Rafiq Qureshi, allegedly put his daughter on the market and blamed her movie star status for his decision to sell her.

According to media reports, Qureshi was visited at his home in Mumbai, India by an undercover reporter for the U.K. newspaper the News Of The World, who claimed to be acting on behalf of a wealthy Arab sheik who wanted to adopt the child.

Qureshi allegedly told the journalist, “We are considering Rubina’s own future. Obviously if you wanted to adopt we are willing to discuss this matter, but her parents would also expect some proper compensation in return. We are talking of around £50,000 for this to happen. We can discuss everything about this deal when we meet. There’s a lot of interest in Rubina, she’s become very famous.”

But, in a further call, he allegedly told the reporter he planned to sell his daughter to the highest bidder and he was expecting $300 000 from the sale.

A source tells the newspaper, “Rubina’s family are furious that despite the film doing so well and their pretty daughter becoming so famous, they are still living in such rough conditions… Dad Rafiq is streetwise and knows that soon his daughter’s success will be forgotten and her moment of fame will be over. He has a family to feed and simply can’t afford it. He is keen to find a rich family to bring up Rubina but only if they are willing to help the whole family to get out of the slums.”

Officials at children’s charities have expressed their concern over the case, and have pledged to help Ali.

Save The Children’s Adrian Lovett says, “Save the Children pays tribute to the News of the World for highlighting this awful reality. We will do all we can to help Rubina.”

What an awful story! Those of us at heat Towers with children, can not even comprehend the idea of wanting to sell our offspring!

LILONGWE (Reuters) – U.S. pop star Madonna is still keen on adopting a second child from Malawi, despite a court ruling in the southern African country preventing her from doing so, a local newspaper reported on Sunday.

Madonna, who lost an appeal against a High Court decision refusing her bid to adopt a four-year-old girl named Mercy James, said she wants to provide education and a family environment for the young girl.

“I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and healthcare possible. And it’s my hope that she like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country,” Madonna told the Nation on Sunday newspaper in an emailed response to questions.

“Though I have been advised that I cannot publicly discuss the pending appeal regarding my desire to adopt Mercy, I do want to say how much I appreciate the level of support that I have received from the people of Malawi and my friends around the world.”

Malawi’s government came under fire after Madonna adopted a 13-month-old child, David Banda, in 2006, with critics accusing it of giving her special treatment by skirting laws that ban non-residents from adopting children.

Madonna’s lawyer, Alan Chinula, has already lodged a notice of appeal against the decision earlier this month but by last week the courts had not yet granted a date for the hearing.

In her ruling, Judge Esimie Chombo warned against celebrity adoptions, saying they could lead to child trafficking.

“Anyone could come to Malawi and quickly arrange for an adoption that might have grave consequences on the very children that the law seeks to protect,” she said.

Madonna has entertained millions around the world with sexy high-energy performances and songs like “Material Girl” and “Papa Don’t Preach,” and created controversies along the way.

The star, who was divorced last year from British film director Guy Ritchie, is one of the music industry’s most successful singers, with album sales of more than 200 million.

The Regional Development Council (RDC) recently passed a resolution endorsing to the local government units (LGUs) the Adopt-a-Malnourished Child Project.

The project is originally a brainchild of the provincial government of Southern Leyte . Because of its success and easy replicability in other areas, Governor Lerias has thought of seeking RDC endorsement of the project to other LGUs through the Social Development Committee (SDC) of the RDC. Earlier, the SDC deliberated on the project and after agreeing to its laudability, the project was then elevated to the RDC for further deliberation. The RDC, during its ExCom and Advisory Committee meeting last March 15 in Pasig City , also found the merits of the project, concurred with the SDC endorsement, and passed a resolution endorsing it to the LGUs for adoption regionwide.

The Adopt-a-Malnourished Project is an alternative way of helping solve the malnutrition problem in the region. Recognizing the government’s limited resources, it seeks sponsors who are willing to adopt a malnourished child. By “adopt”, the sponsor shoulders expenses for the deworming, supplementary feeding and micronutrient supplementation of a severely malnourished child.

The project is implemented following six simple steps: 1) The Provincial Nutrition Committee (PNC) selects the children to be adopted based on the latest results of the Operation Timbang (OPT), 2) Funds are solicited from potential benefactors using a leaflet with built-in sponsorship form, 3) The PNC treasurer receives the money from the sponsor and issues receipt then deposits money in a trust fund for the Project, out of which food supplements and other medical supplies are bought, 3) The PNC turns over the supplies to the Municipal Nutrition Committee (MNC), which is in-charge of distribution to the target beneficiaries, 4) The Barangay Nutrition Scholars (BNSs) do the supplementary feeding, supervised by the rural health midwife, 5) The Municipal Health Officers (MHOs), assisted by the midwives, make a monthly monitoring and physical examination of the children, and finally 6) A progress report on the growth and development of the children is submitted to the MNC, PNC and the sponsors. A working committee must be organized to run the project.

For Southern Leyte , the Project has already helped 19 malnourished children since it started implementation in 2004.

The RDC hopes that the project will be copied by the LGUs throughout the region, especially because as of the 2001 survey of the Food and Nutrition Research Institute (FNRI) , 32 percent of our preschoolers in the region are underweight. The government and private sector should join hands in bringing this figure down since malnutrition is a threat to the development of the region and the country.

Pros of Domestic Adoption

* It is more affordable due to reduced costs on travel and additional paperwork, even nonexistent if done through foster care.

* There is a chance of getting a newborn; you may be matched up with a birth mom who has not yet given birth.

* You will receive more detailed and accurate information about the biological parents medical information

* Most of the leg work is done by the adoption agency representatives and/or case workers, you will not be required to spend as much time on the adoption process.

Cons of Domestic Adoption

* Requirements for domestic adoptions are quite strict and qualifications for adopting families are also high.

* The biological mother may change her mind or unexpectedly refuse to give her child up for adoption. I believe there is a restriction on when she can do this, but that is not enough of a safeguard for most hopeful parents.

This can cause delays in the process or the whole adoption may be terminated. Unfortunately, this occurs more often during the final stages of the adoption process just when the adopting family is expecting a child.

*There are fewer children available for domestic adoption, especially if the adoptive parents prefer a child from a minority group.

International Adoption

When the adoptive parents live in a different country than the birth parents it is referred to as an international adoption and there is little or no contact between the parents.

Pros of International Adoption

* There are plenty of children available for adoption in many countries, both healthy and special needs.

* The requirements and qualifications for international adoption are less strict than other types of adoption; your chances of adopting are greater.

* You have a better chance at being eligible to adopt and once your home study is approved you can rest assured that you will have the child of your dreams.

* You don’t have to worry about whether the biological mother will change her mind. These children are most often orphaned. All you have to do is accept your referral of a child and before long they will be in your arms. (On average this process takes between 12-18 months)

Cons of International Adoption

* Be prepared for lots of red tape, delays as well as an increased potential for fraud. Some countries may not be politically stable, eg. you don’t need the government changing hands in the middle of your adoption process.

* Be prepared to travel to the country of your adoptive child. You may even be required to make more than one trip or stay for a few weeks at a time. You will need to learn the child’s culture and customs, maybe even their language

* You will not get a newborn because you will not be made aware of a child for adoption until after they are born. So by the time all the administrative hurdles are cleared and they are finally united with you and your family, they will likely be at least four to six months, maybe even a little older.

* Because the majority of these children have lived their first months or years in orphanages where the living conditions are less than decent, they may experience some developmental set backs.

This is not necessarily the case with all children and if they do have delays, chances are they will often rebound to the norm once they have a loving and supportive family to attend to their needs. Some people believe that, “Love doesn’t conquer all” but I say, “it certainly helps”.

* There may be no record of the family medical history and this could make you feel uncomfortable. You could always turn to modern medical testing to help. You will however, receive the child’s medical history when you get your referral.

The pros and cons of adoption have the potential to discourage the adopting family in many ways. But with an open mind and heart, overcoming the dilemma of adoption will definitely prove to be worthwhile.

A child being deserted by his parents can cause a severe trauma that will mirror through every aspect of child’s life. The baby will experience the mother’s loss as psychological death of his mother.  There will never be closure.

The baby feels he is abandoned and results to a lifelong inability to trust anyone. This experience will gradually affect him all through out his life. That is the reason why most of the adopted child fails to trust anyone because of the fear that he may be left alone again.

The baby perpetually  bothers as to why he wasn’t kept by his mom and will blame himself for not being good enough to be loved. Many adopted adult has this kind of burden that deters a good relationship to others. The child may also feel melancholic and remorseful as if he did something bad that decides his mom to leave  him.

As days pass by and as the child grows up, he may feel that he doesn’t belong to the family where he currently resides and will suffer self-esteem. He may decide not to get involve to any family activities and may prefer to be alone all by himself. He will feel like an outcast within the family who adopted him.

The child thinks of his mother and the reason behind why he was abandoned. This makes sense because the child longs for his mother and misses her terribly!  There is a wound there that can never be filled by anyone other than the mother!  This could cause the child to have trouble concentrating on his school work.  The child may be labeled a “dreamer” or a “bad student” which will harm his chances to succeed in life.  the adopters might not understand the reason for the child’s lack of concentration and this might cause him to be misdiagnosed as having Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  If misdiagnosed, the child will be forced to take medication he will not need.

The child will loose his true identity while the adopters will try to force him to be like them.  The reason for this is so that the adopters won’t be reminded that the child isn’t really theirs.  The adopters would want the true traits that the child inherits from his family to go away.  The child will not be allowed to be himself.

The child will have no sense of his past which will make it difficult to envision his future.

The child may suppress his real feelings and live an emotionally-numb life in order to survive the tragedy of the separation from his mother compounded by his adoption.

As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage.

As the child becomes an adult, he may have trouble choosing a career and a mate due to his fear of committment and abandonment.

The child’s adopters may not acknowledge that raising an adopted child is different from raising a child of their own.  The adopters want to pretend that the child they raised is not adopted but their own child so they force the child to live a lie by wiping out his past and changing his name and forcing the child to become like the adopters rather than being allowed to be his own person. They will further burden the child by telling him that he should forget about his natural parents and be greatful that they adopted him and gave him a home because the natural parents did not.

Nothing anyone says or does can ever make up for the loss of the child’s first family!

The mother will not be able to change the past and undo the lifelong adverse effects of adoption on her child!

Open adoption is a form of adoption in which the adoptive parents, and often the adopted child, interact directly with birth parents. Family members interact in ways that feel most comfortable to them. Communication may include letters, emails, telephone calls, or visits. The frequency of contact is negotiated and can range from every few years to several times a month or more. Contact often changes as a child grows and has more questions about his or her adoption or as families’ needs change.

Direct access to birth parents and history has advantages of answering identity questions (”Who do I look like? Why was I placed?”). There are also disadvantages. There is no clean break for assimilation into family, which some feel is necessary.[1] There is also the potential for feelings of rejection if contact stops, or for playing families against each other.

Even in an open adoption, the birth parents’ legal rights of guardianship are terminated, and the adoptive parents become the legal parents.[1] In some jurisdictions, the birth and adoptive parents may enter into a binding agreement concerning visitation, exchange of information, or other interaction regarding the child.[2] Far more common are informal agreements, which may change over time as each set of parents’ lives progress. As legal guardians, the adoptive parents are responsible for implementing contact arrangements in the child’s best interests and hold final decision-making authority.

The primary difference between a truly open adoption and a semi-open adoption is that the adopted child has the potential of developing a one-on-one relationship with his or her birthfamily. It is not about the adoptive parents bestowing birthparents with the privilege of contact, nor is it about birthparents merely being available to provide information over the years. Direct contact, in the form of letters, phone calls and visits between the birthfamily and the adopted child, along with his adoptive family, is essential if they are to establish their own relationship. After all, how can we honestly call an adoption open if the child is not involved?

For many who are just beginning the adoption process, the concept of open adoption appears to be another complication they would rather not deal with. One prospective adoptive mom, weary from years of infertility, asked me at an adoption conference, “I am pursuing an international adoption because I don’t want to have to deal with my child’s birthfamily in any way. What can you say to me that would make me change my mind and pursue, instead, an open adoption?” My answer to her was simply this: “No matter where your child is adopted from, you will, as adoptive parents, need to ‘deal with’ your child’s birthfamily whether you know the birthfamily or not. This birthfamily is a part of who your child is. Open adoption allows you to know your child better by knowing his birthfamily.”

Expectant parents considering placing a child for adoption are often just as leery of the prospect of open adoption. Many are told, or feel, that ongoing contact will make it difficult to move on with their lives. Some are afraid that seeing their child will be too painful. Many worry that their involvement might confuse the child.

Patricia Martinez Dorner, author of Children of Open Adoption and Talking to Your Child about Adoption, encourages us to see open adoption as just another form of blended family. In adopting, adoptive parents are welcoming the member of one family into their own. This “blending” of families is not without its share of uncomfortable moments, but the beauty of birthparents and adoptive parents accepting each other as family is twofold:

One, birthparents and adoptive parents really get to know each other. It allows them to see who the others are outside of their adoption experience. Birthparents can be seen as more than someone who found themselves in a difficult situation and adoptive parents can be seen as more than an infertile couple. Being able to know each other as complete human beings allows for greater acceptance. The adopted child is also able to know his birthparents as they are, rather than creating a fantasy birthparent. Instead of spending countless hours conjuring up an image of a person they do not know, they can use that energy for other things.

Two, it gives the child a sense of wholeness. There will no doubt be times when birthparents and adoptive parents take up the responsibility of maintaining the connection with each other. An infant, a toddler or a child cannot carry the burden of maintaining the connection between his two families. An adopted child whose birthfamily and adoptive family come together in a familial way, will grow up with greater certainty. There is a saying that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love one another. I think it is inclusive of all parents, not just married couples.

Once there were two expectant mothers.
One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart
She became your Birthmother.
The other carried the hope of you within her.
She became your Mom.
As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,
Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after
your birth.
Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:
your questions answered,
your boo boos bandaged,
your heartaches soothed,
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:
answers to your questions,
your image in the mirror,
a part of yourself,
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.