adoptive family

Closed Adoption is when a child’s custody is transferred to another couple or individual.  The said individuals would then serve as his new parent.  But the identity of his natural or biological parents are kept secret.  This would normally take place for infant/baby adoption.  Adopting adults or kids in their early childhood years would not apply to closed adoption.

The adoptive parents have their own reasons for choosing closed adoption.  Some of the reasons are:

1. Desire for an undivided attention from the child

Some adoptive parents feel insecure if the child knows his birth parents.  It could be that the child will equally divide his attention and love to his adoptive parent and biological parent.  They don’t want the child of think of other parent aside from them.  They demand the whole love and attention of the child.

2. Fear that the child may go back to his birth parents

The adopted child has been away from his birth parents and every child wants to know his real parent.    These facts would impose fear on the side of the adoptive couple.  What if he would choose to be with them?  His curiosity might push to meet his biological family which would eventually make him want to stay with them.  Any adoptive parent would be sad to have this happen.

3. Desire to make everything appear as natural and real

Some adoptive parents would like to make their parent-child relationship appear real and natural.  They don’t want their child to think that he came from a different family.   They don’t want him to bother them and himself by wondering and asking who were his real family.  They want the child to look up to them as if they were his birth father and mother.  That would make them feel more of being a mother and a father to him.

But in exchange for the fulfillment of the desires mentioned above, some drawbacks are take place.  These are:

*  Discomfort

Even though everything seems to be alright among them, there is still this fear that the adoptive child might know the truth.  Other people may come along the tell the adoption story to the adoptee.  Medical stuffs might accidentally reveal the biological difference between them, that might give hint to the child about his being adopted.

* The heavy feeling due to secrecy

Conscience bothers an adoptive parent.  This can’t be avoided especially if the child is expecting that every single thing is opened up to him.  That will hinder the adoptive parent their freedom – freedom from discomfort.  As long as something is kept secret between them, the parent-child relationship they have won’t totally prosper.  They would fear that someday they will destroy the trust and closeness they established with their adopted child.

Keeping the adoption a secret has disadvantages to the side of the adopted child like:

* Being cheated

Every individual has the right to know the truth, especially if it concerns him.  If adoption is sealed close, he will not have the opportunity to know his birth parents and his origin.  It is hardly fair for him making everything appear real and no secrets behind.

* Complications to the side of the child when closed adoption is revealed

Keeping secrets is hard.  What if the said closed adoption was accidentally made known to the child?  The child may even feel more unwanted by his birth parents.  Not communicating with him after the adoption might make him think that he is totally unloved by his biological parents.  This may affect his self-esteem and behavior.

In general, it’s never easy to choose between an open or close adoption.  People go for close adoption in order to protect some things or person.  However, when opting for close adoption, the birth and adoptive parents should be ready to face the consequences.

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